Leadership Library
Negotiation

Never Split the Difference

Chris Voss · 2016

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About

An FBI hostage negotiator's field-tested tools for high-stakes negotiation.

SK's perspective

The most practical negotiation book I recommend — tactical empathy that actually works.

Key learnings

  • Tactical empathy: label the other side's emotions.
  • Get to 'that's right', not 'yes'.
  • Use calibrated 'how' and 'what' questions.
  • Silence and mirroring do heavy lifting.
  • 'No' is the start of the negotiation, not the end.

Make it a ritual

Rehearse tactical empathy in low-stakes talks so it's ready for the high-stakes one.

Professional life

  • Label the other person's emotion in one conversation daily ('it seems like…').
  • Replace a demand with a calibrated 'how am I supposed to do that?'

Personal life

  • Mirror the last three words to keep someone talking at home.
  • Aim for 'that's right' in your next disagreement, not agreement to end it.

Buy the book (Amazon) · curated talks on YouTube. — © Chris Voss. Summary is our own.

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